Late at Night

It's times like these, when it's past the witching hour and the only sound is the fan whirring, when the Loneliness takes over.  It's like the Boogey Man hiding under my bed waiting to frighten me.  Then Loneliness's friends come over, Self Doubt, Self Recrimination, Sadness, Worthlessness....  My own mind telling me to get used to being alone because at my age, my chance has passed.  Then the replaying of scenes of my romantic history played out again and again.  I wish I could turn these images off, stop these thoughts running through my head.  I wish I could think of sunshine, roses, puppies, or warm breezes instead...  Not the million things I wished I had done or said differently.  I have many faults, but the worst is falling in love a bit too quickly.  Of not having a strong enough sense of self to spot men who are not worthy of my time or affections.  Of wanting love too much, that any hint of it has me falling down into a rabbits hole, only to learn in time, it wasn't love after all......